Hair New Era

In September the Schuster Institute for Investigative Journalism released a report called "The Baby Business," which detailed many cases of fraudulent international adoption practices from various countries, with particular attention to Vietnam. The report uncovers cases where mothers went to the hospital to have their baby, then were told they had to pay enormous hospital fees to obtain their child and next thing they knew their child was gone. Or women who were told their children would be taken to orphanages for temporary care while they recovered from "medical conditions" and never returned.

The U.S. document cited in the article below.
Disturbing Cases of Fraudulent International Adoption

Child trafficking (for example, stealing children and selling them to adoption agencies) is nothing new. The Hague Convention on Intercountry Adoption in '93 set requirements to prevent such activity, which the U.S. has implemented since '08. But we still adopt from many countries that are not part of The Hague plan, which means we ought to pay special attention to adoption practices in those countries.

First of all, we definitely don't want abused and unwanted children to stay in their homes--a stable home for them is the highest priority, even if it means launching them to another country. If doing away with international adoption isn't the answer (and I don't think it is), is more government regulation the key? How can we implement it?It's important to note that it's not just the adoptees and birth families that get screwed when international adoption doesn't follow best practices: adoptive parents get charged astronomical fees and rarely receive adequate information or the education and support for adopting.

Experts respond and give their advice here. Mostly they say more regulation by feds isn't gonna cut it. They vote for more transparency overall, and more education and support for adoptive parents. More accountability for agencies.

Yet, while we improve these inter-country adoption practices, let us continue to hope for a world in which adoption--international or domestic--isn't necessary.

"Don't need a trip to the beauty shop, 'cause I love what I've got on top...I love my hair, I love my hair," sings the new little Muppet girl.

White adoptive father of an African-born girl and Sesame Street writer Joey Mazzarino co-created this song and character in response to his daughter who one day declared: "I want my hair long and blond like Barbie or a princess." (AP)



The Youtube video quickly gained more than a million hits.

Mazzarino didn't realize that by exploring this he was entering into a long history of discussion and debate about AA women's hair.

I too have a Dad who didn't understand why his little curly headed girl cried for long, straight blond hair. In fact, I first heard about this story from my father, who got choked up reading an article about it. That darn blond beauty standard is so embedded! Hard to pinpoint where or how it enters the conscience. It has a lot to do with images, advertisements, television, etc., I think. (I've written an essay on this very topic, which will be published in an anthology called Other Tongues later this year.)

As always happens, viewer comments on the video and others produced in response are filled with fightin words. People get very defensive about hair. Girls who relax their hair do not like to be accused of trying to be White, of being mired in a slavery past. It's just hair, they say, and they've got a point. At the same time though, I think it's important to confront it and provide positive images of Black women with natural hair, especially for adopted Black girls who won't see reflections of themselves in their parents or perhaps even in their surrounding community.

Kudos to this proactive dad!

Ethiopia is becoming the nation of choice for international adoptions. Part of the reason is that they've had fairly lenient rules about the adoption process, and therefore adopters can get kids quicker. Another reason is that they have an overwhelming number of orphans (something like 5 million).

It's a new memoir about an African girl growing up the fostercare system in Britian.

"In Britain we tend to pride ourselves on being happily multicultural – I think my books asks some questions about whether that is really true. Trans-racial fostering and colonialism are closely intertwined. Many of the African parents who felt giving their children to white strangers would ensure the child had an advantage absorbed this idea while growing up under colonial rule themselves, back in Africa."

Silly cartoon girls make fun of celebrity adoption.

"Adoption is not rental," Adam Pertman, executive director of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, told ABC news this morning.

Torry Hansen, 26-year-old single mother of Shelbyville, Tennessee, put her 7-year-old adopted son Artyem on a plane--by himself--back to Russia with a note saying "I no longer wish to parent this child." She says Russian orphanage officials misled her about Artyem's behavioral and emotional condition, that she was not prepared for his mental instability and violent behavior. After six months she was fed up and shipped the kid back like he were a dog that could be returned to the pound.

It is disgraceful how information was handled--it's the adoption agency's responsibility not only to screen parents but to prepare them for the challenges of adopting, especially a child that has been institutionalized. But here again we see an attitude of entitlement, of a parent not treating an adoptive child as truly their own. There will always be unexpected challenges with any child, biological or not. Would you just one day look at your biological child and say, well, I don't feel like dealing with this tantrum stage anymore, and since it's all about me and you're lucky to have a parent in the first place, I'll go ahead and dump you off somewhere. Absolutely not.

When you adopt a child who has spent several years abandoned by his/her parents and living in an unstable, institutionalized environment, of course the child will have baggage! Does that mean the child is any less deserving of love? Do we really only love in order to get it back? If we do, then that is not true love. That's not even a relationship. It's simply a self-serving transaction which unfortunately involves another person. To love is to serve. To love is unconditional.

This American Life did a show called Unconditional Love, and told the story of a couple who adopted a child from a Russian orphanage who, like Artyem, had severe attachment issues and at one point displayed violent behavior. They spent years going to therapy with him, instituted several practices in their home designed to help their child deal with the trauma of his past. The mother took time off from her job. They stuck with him, to the commitment they had made when they took this child as their own, even when it was tough, even though it put a strain on their marriage, and even though their son continued to act out. When the interviewer asks the mother how she could love and put up with a child so volatile and unloving, the mother seems almost irritated with the question and says something like this:
"You just do. I mean, he's my son. What was I supposed to do? He's my son. Of course I love him."

THAT is unconditional love. It's not dependent on the child's actions or what percentage of the time the child makes the parents feel good about themselves. And guess what happens in this story? I challenge you to listen to it without crying, without being blown away by the power of true love.

The Russian government is upset with the Hansen case and has called a halt to all international adoptions for the time being. I have to agree with them on this. Who will stand up for this child? Poor Artyem is going to have even more hurts to deal with now. What this woman who calls herself a mother did was completely disrespectful. If she wanted a flawless, mild-mannered child that loved her perfectly and immediately in the way she envisioned, she should have instead gotten a mirror. Or a puppy. She should not have adopted a child.